Beyond the recommended bubble baths, long walks in the park, and other fun outings, is a deeper form of self-love that is rarely discussed. It is the self-love that we can have when we mess up. When we do something that contributes to us feeling jealous, envious, shameful, or guilty, I recommend that our self-love comes along for the ride. As without it, we can easily crumble.
I have a foundational belief that ALL humans are inherently worthy, enough, and loveable because we were born. We are 100% complete AS IS from birth on. We don’t have to work for it or do anything to achieve it. With this in mind, I encourage you to consider that when you believe you’ve made a mistake, or haven’t done enough, you can remember that you can have two emotions at the same time.
For example, I had a client who was really upset with herself for how she treated her employees at work and was feeling tremendous shame about it when she uncovered that they were unhappy and gossiping about her. She was really resisting the shame and wanting coaching to rid herself of this feeling. What we uncovered was that it was a breakthrough for her to realize that she can accept her shame AND love herself at the same time. She could hold space for both emotions.
Humans have an average of 60,000 thoughts per day and are capable of having two emotions at the same time especially during highly charged events. My client found it so helpful, to feel the shame and love herself simultaneously. Knowing that she is 100% worthy, loveable, enough, she turned around and used the shame as a learning opportunity and told herself “I can feel shame and still be worthy”. “I will be there for myself, not matter what, even when I mess up”.
I encourage you to consider what your life would be like if for the next 6 months you really believed and practiced thinking “It’s ok, I love myself” “I am worthy flaws and all”. This is not a mantra to condone bad behavior, but rather to release the judgement you may have for yourself when you do something that you are not proud of. This means you always have your own back, no matter what happens, if a police officer pulls you over for speeding, if you forget your friend’s birthday, if you drink too much at a party, or overeat at dinner. It’s ok, keep loving yourself with the notion, it’s ok, I love you.
When we resist feelings of shame, guilt, envy, jealousy, we block the thoughts that created them and we often miss out on any learning from them. Many times , we try to defend against the comment that someone makes because we want to prove that we are worthy or not what they say we are. If we are 100% worthy and loveable as is, we don’t need to defend, we can just be open to learning and growing.
I challenge you to try this for a month. To have your own back 100% of the time, flaws and all. When we can find love for ourselves in these dark moments, the moments we mess up royally, or in the lighter moments when we feel like we didn’t accomplish enough, then we have moved towards a deeper kind of self-love where all things are possible because we always have our own back, always.
If you want to go from GOOD TO GREAT and find that deep self-love along the way, don’t hesitate to schedule a coaching call with me, it can make all the difference: http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk