Have you ever stopped to consider that you can choose to think anything you want about yourself, I mean anything. There are no rules that apply here. In fact, it is all on us to choose to believe what we want about ourselves, and no one, I mean no one, can do a damn thing about it! Remember, your relationship with yourself and with other people is all about the thoughts you have about yourself and about that other person. If you choose amazing, loving thoughts, then you will have an amazing and loving relationship as a result.
Of all the thoughts we could choose to have about ourselves, I often wonder why a majority are negative? What is the upside? I teach my clients and you my readers here that our feelings are the fuel for the actions we take in our lives and if we are thinking something negative about ourselves, then this can only fuel negative action, thus resulting in an outcome that is not desirable. The undesirable action proves our sometimes faulty thought true and we are in a vicious cycle of thinking negative things about ourselves, proving them true with our behavior and repeating them over and over again.
Instead, I recommend that you be very deliberate about the beliefs you do choose to have about yourself. They matter. Sometimes we need to let go of outdated software or beliefs systems that felt true when we were children or teenagers, but are no longer relevant, or serve us in any good way now. The world can be a cruel place some of the time and would have us believing we are less than we are. Instead, if we have worked hard at establishing a confident view of ourselves, then discouraging messages can bounce off of us as if we were wearing a Teflon suit. In fact, the most empowered place to be is to allow people to have their judgements, both right and wrong, mean or nice, encouraging or discouraging and let them bounce right off, observing them, no longer absorbing them and letting them stick. Observe don’t absorb.
I am not suggesting we puff ourselves up and become arrogant, conceited, or not self-aware, rather, kind, compassionate, and worthy, starting with our own damn selves. Many of my clients are so hard on themselves, and it takes a lot of practice to draw that line in the sand and no longer endure negative self-talk. Once we lower the volume on our inner mean man or woman, then we can turn the volume up on compassion and strength this is when our lives take off. The sky is the limit when we have our own backs and the criticisms bounce off.
One thing I have learned and shared over the years that has helped my clients develop a thicker skin once they have worked hard at establishing good self-esteem, is to find some small grain of truth when someone is critical. When you are not absorbing the negativity, it sometimes feels ok to see how the other person might come to that conclusion with their own thinking. This often diffuses or lessens the blow of criticism or harsh feedback. I can usually always find something true in what anyone says about me, and it is okay. We are humans, we are imperfectly perfect, and how we see ourselves matters most anyway. Update your current belief systems software about yourself, make sure it serves you and is working well for you in your life. Run that update very intentionally. Let the rest bounce off your teflon suit my friends, you don’t need it.
If you or someone you love could benefit from coaching in this area, or any other mentioned in previous blogs, please reach out for a complimentary mini-session. I have one sacred spot left this month. Grab it before the snow melts. http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk