One of the biggest breakthroughs I have ever had in personal development is understanding the difference between circumstances and beliefs, followed by the process to go through to dismantle a belief.
Beliefs are our most practiced thoughts and because of this, they feel so true. Beliefs like “I am not confident”; “I am not sexy”; “I cannot make this relationship work”; “my life is better with someone in it”, etc. – these are beliefs that feel really true, but are not actually facts. They would not hold up in a court of law, nor would 100% of people agree with them, thus making them optional.
Tony Robbins likes to use the metaphor of a table. Imagine a belief is like a table with four legs. Every leg of the table makes the table sturdier. He then asks “What happens if you cut a leg off?” It would make the table wobbly. Imagine cutting two legs off, then 3. And eventually watch the table completely fall to the ground, rendering it unusable.
What makes the table sturdy is the evidence that acts as its legs. You may be thinking that the quickest and easiest way to destroy a belief is to fight it, aggressively cutting the legs off the table. In reality, when we push against it and there is a fight, we actually end up having to fight even more for it.
So how do we destroy a belief?
The best way to destroy a belief is to simply question it. To look at the evidence (or the legs) that holds your belief (or your table) up. Once we question it and realize we can cut the legs off of it, it becomes un-sturdy and wobbly, and ultimately falls.
When I’m stuck in my own head, or not feeling great about something, I ask myself 4 quick yet powerful questions to help me figure out if the belief is valid, or if the table truly has legs:
- Is this really true?
- Is it a fact?
- Would 100% of people agree?
- Would it hold up in a court of law?
If the answer to one or more of these questions is NO, that tells me that this isn’t actually a circumstance, but merely a thought, and I then have the power in that moment to choose a better feeling thought.
The idea here is to avoid fighting with the old thought. The human brain is truly incredible, but it also likes to be right. By avoiding the fight with the old thought, we avoid going to war with a brain that wants to prove the thought to be true, even if it doesn’t serve us.
What you want to do instead is to just question the evidence and its ability to hold up in a court of law. Discrediting the evidence supporting your beliefs – aka chopping the legs off the table – is the quickest way to destroy negative beliefs – aka get your table to topple!
But destroying the belief is not your last step! Once you dismantle the old belief, then you can purposefully choose to believe a better feeling thought and start to gather evidence that will support your new belief until it becomes true and provable in a court of law.
Let’s say you decide to believe that you will build a successful business. Start feeling and acting in alignment with this thought until it becomes true, and gather evidence such as sales, revenue, or customer testimonials.
Once you master this mindset technique and are no longer being held back by limiting beliefs, you will see your life grow at hyper speeds – and in any area you desire!
If you would like to work together on gathering evidence for more empowering beliefs, I invite you to schedule a consultation call with me. I have 3 spots left for April! And remember, all of my calls can be done virtually on Zoom or Skype, or over the phone.
Melanie Shmois, MSSA, LISW-S, is a licensed social worker, holding a Master’s Degree (MSSA) from Case Western Reserve University and a B.A. in Sociology with a minor in Spanish. After spending 2 decades helping others achieve their mental and personal goals, Melanie worked with Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo, and became a certified Life and Weight Coach through the Life Coach School.