“Confusion is always a lie for action you are not willing to take”
Confusion is an unconscious state that many of us enter in when we confront a situation that seems too overwhelming, or scary, or both. Instead of dealing with the situation, we let ourselves indulge in being confused about it. It feels protective and sometimes normal, or for some comfortable. Yet the problem still remains, and all we’re left is a state of being that doesn’t ultimately serve us. Confusion itself doesn’t feel good, yet we somehow choose it, often times unconsciously, over making a decision either way. So let’s look at some clues to see if you are confused about a circumstance in your life and how to rid yourself of this uncomfortable state.
Merriam-Webster’s definition of confusion is: disturbance of consciousness characterized by the inability to engage in orderly thought or by lack of power to distinguish, choose, or act decisively. Some other synonyms include: uncertainty, doubt, ignorance, etc….
All of which to me sounds disempowering and a place I wouldn’t want to sit in for too long. For starters, it helps to identify that you are confused in the first place. You can’t change what you are unaware of and this is unconscious process, labeling as such is imperative to eliminating it. Many of my clients know they are entering into a space of confusion when they find themselves saying “I don’t know” a lot, overanalyzing possible scenarios and overwhelmed by fear. My master coach likes to help us break free from this by saying “If you DID know, what would the answer be?” and it was amazing to see us go from “I don’t know” to quickly divulging the answer.
Once you have identified that you are confused about your situation, you have to move towards making a DECISION. It is the only way to get out of confusion. I will say it again, you have to make a DECISION! Once you make the decision fear may arise. It may come on full force, know that this is normal and feel good that you have moved passed confusion to somewhere more proactive. Secondly, and very importantly, once you have made the decision you have to commit to STICKING with it!!!! No going back. There can be a tendency to dive back into confusion by second guessing your decision and you if you continue on with this you will get sucked back into the web you were just in.
Another important element when you have made your decision is to not allow yourself to be distracted by all other options. Eliminate those distractions as much as possible. I had a client recently who was agonizing (her words not mine) about picking one person to date. She kept comparing 3 to 4 partners up against each other and kept struggling with “not knowing” who to date. This went on for several months, until she recognized the confusion and subsequent stress and, deliberately sat down and tuned into how she felt about choosing one to date person only. She then decided to tell the other suitors she was entering into a committed relationship and began a committed relationship. A lot of anxiety came up for this client which we are working through, but the struggle to pick was over, and she felt tremendous relief. It would not have been helpful if this client started talking to other people on a dating site, or continued to second guess her decision. She would be back at square one. Being in the committed relationship was now the work and one she was ready to tackle, anxiety and all.
So I encourage you to tune into the areas in your life where you may be saying “I just don’t know”, or places where you overanalyze and don’t take action. You may be in confusion. Recognize it, make an educated guess on the best decision for you, make that decision and you will find out. Will talk more about facing that fear of failure that often pops up during these times in upcoming blogs. As always, if you want to take this work to a deeper level with me, please reach out for a complimentary mini-session. Go get them decision makers! Find out more at mindyourstrength.com