I was thinking today while driving that I got the conditioning growing up or some idea, whether from my family, religion, or collective society, that something needed to go wrong for me to end an agreement or relationship, anything I had committed. I did not get the message that it was OK to end something just because I wanted to or because it no longer served me in some way, even if it was minor or no longer in alignment. While self-reflecting, I realized that sometimes I would unconsciously create conflict. Or, I might do something out of integrity, like a lie to the person or do something that wasn’t in my nature. It was almost like I needed an excuse to stop or end the situation.

Over the years, I now see that same behavior with many of my clients, especially women. They can over-identify as being loyal and super committed and not stop agreements because they want to or because they no longer feel good.

Furthermore, I see this pattern in my clients who identify as people pleasers or have codependent tendencies. It can be effortless to stick with things that no longer serve us. As a result, we don’t experience new things, new possibilities, new partnerships, new coaches, new therapists, new rental spaces, etc., which also prevents personal growth.

Have you ever noticed this slight tendency to do something unconsciously out of integrity, giving you an excuse to end the relationship? Did you later realize that you had permission from yourself to end something because it no longer felt good or you no longer enjoyed it?

We frequently stick with things or situations that no longer serve us even though we have the intuition to stop something. It takes us much longer to execute because we talk ourselves out of it, or we’re worried about how someone else will feel when we can do it because we want to stop it.

I am not encouraging you to make these decisions lightly. Instead, make sure you understand and like why you’re making a decision.

If you would like some support in this area or any other struggle or desire, I welcome you to book a connection call with me.

I hope you have a wonderful weekend, everyone.



Melanie Shmois

Melanie Shmois, MSSA, LISW-S

Melanie Shmois, MSSA, LISW-S, is a licensed social worker, holding a Master’s Degree (MSSA) from Case Western Reserve University and a B.A. in Sociology with a minor in Spanish. After spending 2 decades helping others achieve their mental and personal goals, Melanie worked with Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo, and became a certified Life and Weight Coach through the Life Coach School.


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