In order to evolve, create, and live our truth we have to be willing to experience rejection. The fear of rejection is a primitive fear, it goes back to a time in our evolution when we needed the connection and support of the group to survive. Being a castaway because of illness or difference meant death. A need to assimilate was passed down by generations. No wonder we are still motivated to fit in. Remember high school?

As adults, we often wrestle with accommodation and assimilation with living a life that reflects our true wants and desires. In order to do this and move away from people pleasing, we often have to embrace rejection. When we tell someone we really don’t want to go where they are suggesting, or say NO to a request, we have to be willing for people to make comments about how they don’t like our decisions. Ultimately, we have to be willing for them not to like us.

This rejection does not have to cause any suffering unless we make it mean something terrible about ourselves. Often times if we get rejected from that job we really wanted, or that man or women we really wanted to date, we interpret it as there is something wrong with US. This is where shame can set it. We then feel like we need to change to be more likeable, or to get the job or the date. If so, we are missing the mark and this can affect our self-confidence.

What I want to offer you, is to try not to take rejection personally. Instead of making it mean something negative about ourselves, consider putting it back on the person rejecting you. It is about their preferences, their needs, and it is okay if you don’t fit into their specific box. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you and that you have to change.

This also doesn’t mean you have to hate them, blame them, reject them back, or become someone you are not. It just means it wasn’t a good fit, period. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Having self-confidence means you have your own back always, even when someone says something hateful or rejects you. The most famous artists, creators, innovators, have a lot of haters because they were willing to against the status quo. Madonna, Lady Gaga, Ani DiFranco, Oprah, they all have haters, you are in good company. The alternative is to hide, stay in the cave, and live your life according to other people’s ideas about what is right for you, where’s the fun in that? Live your truth and embrace the rejection, it can’t hurt you unless you let it. Have your own back my friends and stop rejecting yourself, life is so much more fun this way.

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