Many of my clients are highly respected, outgoing high achievers with a wide social net and diverse relationships, but they often struggle to be good company to themselves. What I offer them, and you, is to remember that you will be with yourself for the rest of your life. For some, this thought brings joy and for others, this thought brings up dread.
Do you enjoy spending time with yourself? Are you kind and sweet to yourself? How much attention are you giving yourself?
Do you find yourself saying or thinking the following things to yourself?:
- You don’t look good in that outfit!
- You’re too chubby!
- You never follow through on anything!
- You have no willpower or discipline!
- You are not being productive enough!
- You are not working hard enough!
- I hate you!
Now let me flip this around and ask: would you spend time with someone else who would constantly express these things to you?
I don’t think so! Instead, wouldn’t it be better to spend time with someone who lifted you up? Many of us will think that our partner is responsible for being wonderful and sweet to us, but the truth is this is OUR responsibility. How much attention are you giving to yourself? How do you talk to yourself?
Don’t wait for compliments, give them to yourself. Give yourself credit and gratitude for all that you do in a day. Acknowledge yourself for going to work, for working out, for giving to others, for just being you.
Many of my clients fear that they don’t love themselves. The truth is, they do love themselves! But most of their negative talk is actually out of fear. The first step is being good company to yourself, by affirmative self -talk, quality alone time, and the gift of emotional and physical health.
Many of us are guilty of giving to everyone else and leaving little to nothing for ourselves. We get validated for doing for others and leaving little time and attention for us. I believe that many times we are overweight or overdrink because we are starving for our own attention. This has to stop. You have to be your number one priority. The people around you will benefit if you are mentally, physically, and emotionally strong.
This Valentine’s day season give yourself the gift of good company with yourself. Start with better self-talk, then add in mental, physical, and spiritual practices that fill your cup. Everyone else around you will ultimately benefit.
If you struggle with liking the time you spend with yourself outside of your work performance, please reach out to schedule a consultation session, or learn more about joining me in the Life Lounge here.
Melanie Shmois, MSSA, LISW-S, is a licensed social worker, holding a Master’s Degree (MSSA) from Case Western Reserve University and a B.A. in Sociology with a minor in Spanish. After spending 2 decades helping others achieve their mental and personal goals, Melanie worked with Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo, and became a certified Life and Weight Coach through the Life Coach School.