In order to show up how we want to in the world and share our truth requires that we have open and honest conversations with people. Many of us fear that these conversations will lead to conflict and instead try avoid them like the plague. Therefore, they settle for short-term discomfort of these talks and lose out in the long-term consequences of our unspoken truths. The negative effect of this tradeoff is resentment, stress, and anxiety. Who needs that? My goal is to empower you with a step-by-step guide on how to have a difficult conversation so that you can show up in a way that you want to present yourself.
A caveat here is to understand that “having a difficult conversation” is really just a thought. It is not a fact. Be careful how you label a conversation you want to have, so that you don’t set yourself up ahead of time for stress. The truth is you are exchanging words with another human being. You decide how you want to label that so that going in you are not anticipating a fight. Here is your step by step guide to having a difficult conversation with another person in your life…….
Step 1: Make sure the reason for the conversation is more about YOU than about them
You know that you are ready to have this talk when the reason is because you want to show up at your best in the relationship. It’s not because you want to make the other person to change. Remember that you are fully responsible for how you feel, no one has this privilege unless you grant it to them, and this talk is about your desire to improve something within the relationship.
Step 2: Decide what is the result YOU want at the end of this conversation
Just like with step 1, the goal can’t be to change someone or that the other person loves what we had to say, understands it, responds beautifully, and changes everything we asked of them. Rather the goal has to be, I showed up for us, I shared what was true for me, I spoke my truth, and I am making this request or setting this boundary for me, and I will institute a consequence if the other person continues to not respect it. Again, this is about you showing up in the relationship at your best.
Step 3: Coach Yourself
Ideally the best energy and headspace to show up in before and during the talk is one of kindness, openness, love, peace, and curiosity. In order, to create this, especially if there is some fear and apprehension, try coaching yourself ahead of time. If you are my client, or avid reader here, you know the self-coaching MODEL and how to generate the emotions you want with your thinking. You must coach yourself ahead of time to be able to drop in to one of these positive emotions to drive a positive outcome for yourself.
Next week, I will provide the rest of the guide, so that you can feel confident before, during, and after a conversation with someone in your life. If you struggle with conflict avoidance, people pleasing, or setting limits within a relationship, schedule a call with me to increase your confidence and find some peace———->mindurstrength.com/minisession
Don’t forget to train your mind as hard as you train your body my friends.