“Your purpose in life is not the job you do – it’s who you are. Who you get to be.”-B. Castillo
In all my years helping people learn how to manage their minds in order to feel better, the two biggest fears that consistently cause so much unnecessary emotional suffering and hold many of us back are as follows: 1). The fear over our own value and 2). The fear of missing out on something we believe we should have. Like all fears – they hold us back from showing up fully for ourselves and creating the life we truly want and deserve to have. The good news is, once these fears are uncovered we can dismantle them with the same brain that caused them.
The inadequacy fear, i.e. “I’m not good enough”, or “I suck”, “Something is wrong with me” can rear its ugly head when you see weight gain on the scale, when you make a mistake at work, or when you give into an urge that later causes them pain and heartache. So what? The answer to that question always reveals this core fear. What I tell my clients and I tell you that you don’t have to earn, hustle, or chase adequacy or lovability. It is a total waste of time. It doesn’t matter if you overeat or not, if you aren’t productive, or mess up royally on something when it comes to your own value as a person. You are worthy, adequate, loveable, valuable as you are human. Stop trying to earn it, it is already there. Notice when your brain tries to tell you otherwise, and remind yourself that just as you are human, you are enough, it was already gifted to you. Your pant size, bank account balance, or what you said or did at that party can ever change that.
You are done.
You are complete.
You are already purposeful.
And you are already MAGNIFICENT.
Not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
But just because you were born and are here.
YOU HAVE ALREADY ARRIVED.
So stop trying to arrive at the place where you will prove that you are good enough.
Secondly, many of my clients and myself included spiral when we have thoughts and fears around having a life, or an experience that is harder than it should be. I see this a lot with parenthood and family dynamics. It can sound like “I shouldn’t have a child that acts out so much”, I” should have a family that visits more”, “Why can’t my partner do XYZ for me?” The remedy here is to not engage in the compare and despair game, but rather attempt to accept what is yours. Often our most difficult relationships end up being our greatest teachers. They require us to do so much inner thought and feeling work – which only helps us grow. My years of overeating, rearing a colicky child, and difficult relationships have been areas of such growth and wisdom. The lessons I learned along the way have led to a coaching career dedicated to helping others lift themselves up. I know it isn’t easy, but we can do hard things. If you need help getting up from under one of these fears, take a chance with a breakthrough mini-session with me. It can make all the difference—-http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk. Also, I have created an E-book entitled “Peace of Mind” that you can download at: mindurstrength.com/peaceofmind. Please share with a friend or family member.