One of the most powerful benefits of coaching is the ability to overcome what I call ‘mental injuries’. These injuries are far more common than physical injuries, yet many of us are not taught how to cope with them. The three most common ones that I see plague me and my clients are: failure, rejection, and overwhelm. Let’s quickly look at each one and how coaching can help you reframe them with ease.
Most of us were taught that failure is bad. Getting an A+ is the goal and getting an F is highly frowned upon. What I believe is missing in this equation is the distinction between worthy failures vs. unworthy failures. When going big in a business venture or athletic pursuit, we often fall short of our big goal. This is something to be celebrated- not feared or looked down upon. You see, when we go big, we have to push past fear and self-doubt, and we learn so much. We learn what works, what doesn’t, and what we can do differently next time. This is precious wisdom we would have not gleaned had we not gone for it.
An unworthy failure in my opinion is when we don’t go after our goal because we are scared and don’t want to feel uncomfortable. When we do this, we stay small and often fail to grow. So the next time you put yourself in yourself in an uncomfortable situation, like giving a talk, recording a video, or going after a sale and you fall short, celebrate your worthy effort. Failure is part of success, so no need to feel bad. If you engage in unworthy failing by quitting in advance, there is no upside in feeling bad about it, but seeking some coaching can help you move through those negative emotions that are holding you back.
“If everyone likes you, you’re not doing it right”~Bette Davis
Our primitive response is to be part of the tribe, and most of us loath being rejected. This is normal, but what I have come to appreciate is that even if people reject us or judge us, this has nothing to do with our own worthiness or lovability. There will always be people, even people who love us, that will judge and even reject some of our ideas and actions. You are not for everyone and this is something to celebrate.
This is not a problem until you make it mean something negative about yourself. Instead, remember that it is not you as a person they are rejecting or judging; they are just having thoughts about you. If 100 people see you do something in public, they might all have a slightly different judgement of your behavior. The only real truth is that you are the constant. Others’ opinions, judgements, or criticisms are variable. Not all people will like you, and that’s okay. What is important is what you think about yourself and your behaviors.
Overwhelm is an indulgent emotion – meaning it is a feeling that is comfortable to us but does not serve us. Most of my clients believe that their to-do list or jam- packed schedule is the cause of their overwhelm, but it is really the thoughts about the to do list or schedule that are the overwhelmed feeling and not the tasks themselves. So, the first step is to become aware or conscious when you notice yourself drop into this emotion. I tend to complain or vent when I am feeling overwhelmed, and this is my signal to pull back and do my thought work. You see, when we complain, we increase stress and don’t act on our list, instead we vent to ourselves or others. What I recommend is to tackle one small to-do item on your list. When you take action, you are automatically no longer in overwhelm. Also, you can adopt the mindset that “there is time for all of this” or “I am choosing to do these things for a very good reason”.
With these shifts in thinking, we increase our mental resilience and do not let ourselves suffer long when we know how to heal from these mental injuries. It is essential to recognize that these emotions come from our own thinking, therefore we can move through them by adopting new beliefs.
If you, or someone you know struggles to move past one of these 3 or any other mental injuries, reach out for a consultation call to increase your mental strength.
Schedule Now: https://mindyourstrengthcoaching.as.me/