One of the most important concepts I teach my clients is that you can be in a relationship with anyone or anything. The person doesn’t have to be in the same room as you are, in the same state, or even alive for you to feel connected to them. In addition, you can also have a relationship with things in your life, like your business, health, or revenue goals.
Relationships are essentially a constellation of your thoughts about someone or something. In a new year, we often plan new goals or resolutions. In that spirit, I encourage you to consider the importance of being in a relationship with your goal.
This type of thinking caused a big shift in my own life when I pivoted from just working on my goal to spending quality time establishing a relationship with it.
Let’s take the example of an income goal. Imagine I were to ask you the following questions in this exact moment:
- What is your current income goal for 2020?
- What is the date you set the goal?
- When you will earn it by?
- How much you have earned towards it thus far?
- How much do you have left to earn?
Could you tell me without checking? For many of us, the answers are fuzzy, or we have to go check. We dance around the specifics. This is a sign that you are not in a quality relationship with your goal.
When you want a result very badly, whether it is earning a higher salary or losing the last 10 pounds, it is essential to create intimacy with this target.
What I mean by this is knowing everything about your goal: where you are, how much you have left to get there, your current progress. You need to have this information at your fingertips. If you don’t, then I suggest you get curious as to why not – not in a judgmental way by any means – but in a compassionately curious way.
Just like with a partner that you deeply care about, you want to know the specifics -where they were born, what they like to do for fun, who and what is important to them. It would be strange if someone asked you where your partner was born, or what they like to do for fun and you couldn’t answer without checking or asking them. The same goes for your goals.
What I suggest is prioritizing quality time every day to connect with your goal. Schedule 15 minutes or a half-hour to get to know the specifics of where you are, where you need to be, and most importantly the thoughts and feelings that will fuel the actions to get you there. Creating compelling and committed thinking to help you through the setbacks and roadblocks will help you stay committed for the long haul.
If you don’t establish this relationship, then you are likely to veer off course and give up. Also, remember to have some fun and treasure the fact that you have this goal in the first place. Just like with a partner, you want to be in awe of them and have fun with them, or things are bound to get stale.
Take some time today to get to know your goal inside and out and then put your head down and go to work, and I promise your likelihood of achieving that goal is so much higher and you will have more fun with it.
Mind Your Strength,
If you want some help cultivating this healthy relationship with a resolution that is important to you, please join me in the Life Lounge! The comprehensive combination of goal setting, accountability, and peer support in the Life Lounge along with the expert guidance of a High-Performance Coach will get your relationship with your goals on track!
Melanie Shmois, MSSA, LISW-S, is a licensed social worker, holding a Master’s Degree (MSSA) from Case Western Reserve University and a B.A. in Sociology with a minor in Spanish. After spending 2 decades helping others achieve their mental and personal goals, Melanie worked with Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo, and became a certified Life and Weight Coach through the Life Coach School.