When I ask my clients to report back the thoughts they had prior to overeating, over drinking, not keeping a promise to themselves, or setting appropriate boundaries the top 3 that appear most often were:
‘I deserve it’
‘It doesn’t matter’
Notice what appears in all three…… IT. Helping my clients spend deliberate time uncovering what IT really means for them is key. After some exploration what we found is that the IT in ‘Screw It’, was a health goal, weight loss, and well-being. Sometimes screw it meant life in general. ‘I deserve IT’ really meant for some achieving a meaningful goal, yet the action they took was in direct opposition to this. ‘It doesn’t matter’ meant giving up on New Year’s resolutions and commitments to go to the gym regularly, or a money management goal. For some, it might mean giving up on setting boundaries with a family member, thus not having any down time. Sometimes the IT, was my client saying they don’t matter.
In general, I want you to see that these thoughts give us permission to engage in behavior that doesn’t serve us and sometimes even hurt us and our self-esteem in the process. Instead, what can be helpful is to ask for what you really need in that moment and to decide consciously if you want to keep thinking ‘I don’t matter, Screw me, I don’t deserve to achieve my goals.
Sometimes ‘Screw It’ actually means you really just need some down time, some relaxation. Sometimes ‘I deserve it’ means that you deserve some quality connection with someone, or some fun that evening. ‘It doesn’t matter’, can really mean that you need some encouragement to do that hard task, or a buddy to go to the gym with, or some courage to have that difficult conversation. Food, alcohol, or avoiding that person will not get you the IT you really want.
Our lower/primitive brain can be sneaky and convince us to engage in that pleasure trap because in that moment it would rather feel good, then take the time to plan something that might feel even better. When you hear yourself say one of those three things or some version of them, stop and ask yourself what do I really need in this moment that will help me, not bring me down further. I promise it isn’t weight gain, a hangover, or more commitments you don’t have time to complete. Be one step ahead of this mind trap, and notice if your line of thinking is serving you, or bringing you down in the long-term.
Substitue a natural pleasure when you hear yourself say ‘F it then’. A hike, walk with the dog, a Skype call to a friend overseas can be even more meaningful in the long-run then that glass of wine, fast food, or a pair of shoes that you don’t need. I’m on to your mind traps, so can you. Catch these 3 and notice what results they are creating for you in your life and consciously decide to think, feel, and acting differently. Screw those excuses, you matter, and you absolutely deserve all of it and more.
Also, if you haven’t downloaded your free copy of my E-book ‘Peace of Mind’, please Click here to grab it and I hope it helps you gain control of your emotional life by learning how to manage your mind. Please share this post with a friend or family member who you think might like it, or benefit from it. If you want to take this work deeper and learn how to get out of your own way, please do not hesitate to schedule a mini-session here, http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk only a few spots remain for May.