I work with many clients who often struggle letting go of a buffering activity. Whether it be overeating, overdrinking, or overspending, what I point out to them and to you is that you get better at what you keep doing and that sometimes you have to be willing to trade what you want NOW for what you want later in your life.
Let’s take alcohol for example. For some of my clients, they cannot stop at just one glass of wine and end up drinking the whole bottle instead. They still get up and go to work, but they feel awful after a terrible night of sleep, with a headache and stomach pain. They stay away from alcohol the following night or two, but in due time, the desire returns and the cycle repeats leaving them feeling out of control in this area of their life.
Often times our desire to drink or overeat comes from an effort to avoid or numb unpleasant emotions. We don’t want to feel lonely, bored, or stressed out after work, so we pour ourselves a glass or more of Pinot instead. Most of us are not taught how to manage our feelings, and we sometimes turn to alcohol to dull or distract ourselves. It can be scary and uncomfortable saying NO to the wine because you know you will be left with feeling like ass instead. The same can be said for other buffering activities like overeating or avoidance to name a few.
What I want to teach you is that when master feeling all of your terrible or negative emotions that is when you get real control of your life!When you get good at saying NO to the wine or junk food, then you are not saddled with a slight hangover, 3-5 pound weight gain over the weekend, or pricey credit card bill because you are willing and able to feel those crappy emotions instead. You are in control of the food or alcohol, and not the other way around.
The second benefit that can come from feeling like ass on purpose is that sometimes your desire for alcohol or junk food gets channeled into another more satisfying area. I recently worked with a man who put off finding his soulmate until he got his drinking under control, and what we found was that once he was able to lower his desire for alcohol, he had physical and emotional energy to go out and date.
I challenged him to let himself feel bored and lonely, aka feeling like ass on purpose, for a full month without distracting himself with beer. At some point, he got so bored that he went out and started dating. His desire for alcohol got channeled into his dating life. He started exploring dating apps and meeting more people. He also started working out in the evening. What we found was that his desire was diverted into pursuits he wanted to do for years. Had he stuck to his routine of avoiding boredom with beer and Netflix, he wouldn’t have had the desire or energy to date and workout. The beer was blocking him from finding a partner and getting into shape, which was what he really wanted. He had to be willing to feel bored and lonely for a period of time to lower his desire for these buffers.
If you fear that your life will be too boring without alcohol or junk food, then we have to work on your life, not just on lowering your alcohol or junk food intake. Not only is the junk food or booze bringing you down, but it is also blocking you from desiring other things in your life. Without that desire, you won’t go out and get what you REALLY want. This requires you to say NO to what you want in the moment. In other words, feel like ASS temporarily, and allow time for the desire for it to lessen and open up space for new desire to come in.
Don’t let junk food, alcohol, online shopping, that boyfriend or girlfriend that you know isn’t good for you block you from what you really want in life.
Listen, life can be hard and pouring a glass of wine or grabbing some snack food sounds easier; but I want you to know that these actions block other possibilities, and the end result is that you usually feel like ass the next day.
I see your possibility, and I want to help you get unstuck in whatever situation is holding you back from getting what you really want in life. Respond to this email if you want to schedule your sacred hour with me. I’ll teach you how to not want it and get what you really want.