Why Our Brains Fixate on the Negative(and How to Rewire Them for More Joy)

A client asked me something recently that I think so many of us can relate to:

“Why is it that one negative thing can happen during the day and it completely outweighs the ten good things?”

She had just given an incredible workshop. The feedback was overwhelmingly positive, people felt inspired, connected, and moved by what she shared.

But there was one small piece of critical feedback.

And that one comment stayed with her for the rest of the day.

She replayed it in her mind. Questioned herself. Focused on it far more than the dozens of positive responses she received.

If you’ve ever done this, you are not broken.

You are human.

What she was experiencing is something called negativity bias—>our brain’s natural tendency to focus more heavily on negative experiences than positive ones.

From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense.

Early humans survived because their brains were highly attuned to threats and danger. Noticing what was wrong, unsafe, or potentially harmful helped keep them alive.

Your brain is still wired this way today.

Which means it can easily fixate on:

• criticism over praise

• problems over progress

• fear over possibility

Even when your life contains so much goodness.

The beautiful news, however, is this:

We are not powerless against this wiring.

Through intentional practice, we can begin to retrain the brain to notice and hold onto the good, too.

Inside my Joy Revolution group coaching program, I encouraged participants to keep something I called a JOY Journal.

The idea was simple: Notice tiny micromoments of joy throughout the day and write them down.

Not huge achievements.Not life-changing milestones.

Tiny moments.

• The first sip of coffee in the morning.

• A random kiss from a toddler.

• Warm sunshine through the car window.

• Laughing so hard you snort unexpectedly.

One participant was genuinely thrilled to report that Chipotle gave her free guacamole after a short wait that honestly hadn’t even bothered her that much.

And I loved that.

Because that kind of noticing changes us.

Many of my high-achieving clients are striving toward very big goals. They’re building businesses, leading teams, raising families, and trying to become the best versions of themselves.

But in the process, they often miss the small moments that deserve acknowledgment and celebration, too.

Joy isn’t only found in the huge milestone moments.

It’s woven throughout ordinary life.

And when we intentionally train ourselves to notice it, something powerful happens.

The brain begins to change.

This connects to the concept of neuroplasticity, which is the brain’s ability to form new neural pathways over time. The more consistently you practice focusing on moments of joy, gratitude, peace, or connection, the more natural it becomes for your brain to find them automatically.

In other words: You can actually rewire yourself to see more good.

And honestly?

It’s not only healing. It’s fun.

So if you notice yourself fixating on the negative, even when beautiful things are happening around you, I want to encourage you to start noticing the micromoments.

• Write them down.

• Capture them in your phone.

• Share them with someone you love.

Over time, your brain will begin to look for joy on its own.

And that changes the way life feels.

P.S. You know what else might bring a little extra joy to your mom’s face this Mother’s Day?

A deep dive session with yours truly.

Flowers are lovely. Brunch is fun. But giving the woman in your life a sacred hour to breathe, reflect, feel supported, and reconnect with herself?

That’s the kind of gift that lingers long after the chocolate and tulips are gone.

This Mother’s Day, I’m offering special deep-dive sessions designed to give moms something they rarely receive: space for themselves. Get in touch to learn more.